One recent evening I smelled the pungent odor of burnt rubber in our family room. I checked the cord on our space heater and my fears were confirmed. The end of the plug was blackened and the cord was slightly melted. My analytical powers were put to the test but I decided to pitch it and get a new one. I looked at the electrical outlet and saw that it too must be replaced. Now I was faced with a conundrum since the light switch was white in color and the two outlets on the wall were tan. I decided to replace both outlets but there was a problem. The only time I had to replace the outlets was after work when it would be dark in the basement. I asked a couple guys at work if there was a way to replace the outlets while it was still hot. Dave Green came to the rescue and told me that it was easy to do as long as you only touch one wire at a time. One at a time is doable so stopped at my local lumber yard and picked up 2 new white outlets.
As I started to take off the cover to the first outlet I realized my first mistake. The outlet covers were also tan. Now I would have tan covers and white outlets. I made a note to go back to Home Depot later. I unscrewed the outlet from the box and pulled it out, thrilled that I was the master of all things electrical. Dave had told me that I should be able to pull out the wires from the back. I grabbed the outlet and started to pull the white wire. Nothing happened. I started to wiggle the wire and I felt this strange sensation as a small current coursed through my body. It was a pleasurable feeling, a slight tingling in my hands and down my spine. It reminded me of my first kiss with Sandy
I got a tighter grip on the outlet and now I was shaking it like a mad dog with a new toy. As I kept pulling on the wire my hand eventually slid down and I must have touched the screws on both sides of the outlet because I was blasted with a million volts of power and blown back several feet. I no longer had a smile on my face. Eventually I quit twitching, the hair on my head laid down and I after a long pull on a bottle of Pepsi, I got my courage up once again to tackle this evil device. I finally got the white wire off and after another careful 5 minutes of jiggling, the black wire came out. I unscrewed the ground wire, I bent the wire into the appropriate question mark shape and began to attach the wires to the appropriate screws. I got the white wire connected and then I screamed as I was hit with another large shock. I don’t know what I did but I realized now this latest shock had done a lot of damage. The hair on my head was standing straight up, the hair in my nose was now curled (eliminating the need for a trim for at least 3 weeks) and my few chest hairs were singed. I gently pulled out my belt and a single plume of smoke escaped from my pants. I wasn’t even going to look. It’s somewhat difficult to attach wires with a screwdriver using only 1 hand but that’s what I did. I finished up the first outlet and as I hacked my way into the second, I vowed not to touch any metal parts this time.
I kept my hands from touching any forbidden thing, I kept all wires away from each other and eventually I was able to push the outlet back in the box and secure it. That’s when I noticed the scratches on the wall next to the outlet. My fear and panic had caused me to keep the wires as far from me as possible. As I was working with one wire, the others had brushed against the wall numerous times. Now I am going to have to do a touch up paint job on the wall. The outlets are done but now I have this urge to eat quiche and buy lacey shirts. Man, I love home improvement
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